divabot

Strewth! G'day, mate, and welcome to the sunburnt country and treeless plain of Uncyclerpoidia's 'Straiyan-English Dictionary, Phrasebook and Cultural Goide, yer essential aid t' bein' understood when yer visitin' our bewdiful country or trorn'a buy a drink in London.

a'Straiya's twenny tormes 'a soize of England and, lorke everywhere, plays cricket twenny tormes betta.* Canada prob'ly plays cricket better th'n Pommyland. Mate, Quebec prob'ly plays cricket better th'n Pommyland. Fair crack a' th' dingo! Chuck another whingin' Pom on th' barbie! Strewth!

* Dunno what happened in 2005, mate. Better have another drink.

Yanks

'Straiyans hate America but lorke the Seppos 'emselves 'cos if they're in a'Straiya they were smart 'nough t' actually figure out th' rest a' th' world exists. They usually look sorta dazed. 'Straiyans always assume a Seppo's Canadian till they're dumb enough t' say they're not — it's just polite.

Greetings

'Straiyans are a friendly mob.

'Straiyans are also well known as red hot lovers. And all the women've got fantastic tits.

Stoive: G'day! Norce tits. Wanna root?

Narelle: Or do now, y' smooth-talkin' bastard!

(five minutes later)

Stoive: *snork* *splort*

Narelle: He loves me, he loves me!

Stoive: *burp* (puts beer down) What torme's the footy on?

(Note: 'Straiyans aren't all called Bruce and Shoila. That's the Poms havin' you on. They're actually all called Stoive and Narelle.)

'Straiyan chicks go woild f'r an Orish or Scottish accent. Yer Pommy accent sorta works, but not too well — y'morght need a personality t' go with it.

Nature television

'Straiyans are as self-obsessed as any Yank and think they're all rugged outdoor frontier types even if they all live in forve or six cities and their four-wheel droive's never gone further th'n their kids' school. So TV about 'Straiya being big, bewdiful and dangerous is a sure winner.

Ay, wot's this little bugger? It's an Uncyclerpoidian! Lovely little critter, isn' 'e. Gotta be careful, though — his deadly satore could strorke you dead in seventy-three years, eleven months and twenty-two days. Let's see wot happens when or stick mor finger up his aaarse ... Ooh fuck, 'e bit me! Ooh bugger, or'm dead. *urk*

Other useful phrases

Having been written for Uncyclopedia, this one is readily available under CC by-nc-sa to whosoever wishes to reuse it. The above strikes me as a bit skimpy; further additions to the version on Uncyclopedia are most welcomed.